So I was going through an old diary of mine this morning, and I came across a little 'story' I'd written a couple of years ago, when 'How To Be A Hunter's Wife' was just an idea banging around the corners of my skull. Back then, I'd thought this idea of mine would be a book (and maybe one day it still will?), until I realised it would be much easier to at least get it started online, in the form of a blog/website. I spent a fair bit of time explaining to people what the concept of it was, and the tongue-in-cheek nature of it.
Anyhoo... as you'll see, my writing style has matured somewhat since I first began, and although the umbrella of information remains the same, I guess you could say it's a little less flamboyant than this first piece...
DISCLAIMER: I'm not as much of a dork as the following makes me sound. Quite frankly, it's just too funny not to share.
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| http://www.chickswithgunsbook.com/ |
Hunting yourself a Hunter - how to bag the big one.
Tracking down your own hunk of big game can be difficult with the growth of cities and with it Metro-sexual
men! There are less areas that can be considered densely populated pockets of hunters. But with food prices rising more of us are finding ways to be more self-sufficient. And having a man who can hunt in your life will greatly reduce your protein bill, and increase your exercise or, if you choose not to go along on the hunt, boost your "me" time!
The very nature of hunters make them pretty hard to track down for a lot of women. Having said that, they are predictable if you know what the beasts are doing, what are their movements? For example, knowing when the roar (or rut) and duck shooting opening weekend are is vital. If you know when he'll be hunting, you can predict when he'll be shopping. The single hunter will have to shop for supplies in the week (probably the day) before any hunt. And then he's on YOUR turf! At the supermarket check the following aisles - canned goods and instant meals, bread, small goods (bacon, sausages, chops), eggs, beer. And be ready with advice to spark a conversation i.e.: "That other bacon is on special, and much better quality, you should try it? Are you stocking up for the opening weekend?". If you're feeling brave you can venture onto his territory and check out your local hunting & fishing shop. There's loads of interesting stuff in there to browse while you scope for opportunity, you'll be surprised!
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| http://huntdrop.com/drop/bow-hunting-women |
Hunters are rarely around during the weekend, but if they aren't hunting, you might find them at your local country pub, a rugby game, or at a
Deer Stalkers' Association meeting (at the local country pub!). If you're actually interested in learning to hunt, the DSA is probably THE best place to start. Possibly a bit intimidating but if you're brave enough to go, a good hunting gentleman will not be able to say no to a girl with a common interest. And you'll quickly be able to tell a gentleman from a boy. From this point, you really want to sit back and drop the hunt. Put yourself in the right environment, let out a couple of stag roars (metaphorically
speaking, don't do this for real or they'll think you're taking the piss) and allow yourself to be hunted. The rest is 'Pulling a Man 101', and we all know how to do that right!? Flutter the lashes a bit, be cute but fierce, naive but intelligent, be inquisitive and genuinely interested in whatever he's talking about, be confident but not pushy. The rest is up to nature.
Things to consider when ticking off the assets of a potential hunting partner/husband for me are:
Eats what he kills (as much as possible)
Never allow an animal to suffer or be cruel to animals for their own sick enjoyment
Have a good balance of work, play and love
Realise the value of being able to hunt and hold a gun license, in NZ it is a privilege not a right, and one that can be taken away if you act like a dick basically
Patience - in hunting, teaching others (ie you!) how to hunt, and life in general
Realise the value of YOU, again - a privilege not a right, and if he's a dick, you're outta there!
What's in your gun cabinet?
Now, don't think that just because you're trying to snag yourself somewhat of an old-fashioned, chivalrous provider (one who'll literally bring home the bacon!) that you can let yourself go! No no... quite the opposite. I think we need to refer back to the 50's/60's mentality a bit (feminists, hang on to your burning bras and hold your hate mail!). Most good kiwi blokes (and I'll even go so far as to say most men worldwide) want a trophy of sorts, but they don't want Barbie! They want someone who's not afraid to muck in, get up to their elbows in blood, mud and guts, but who scrubs up for when the boys come round for a beer, mum comes round for dinner, or just for him (if he's been a good boy, he probably deserves it). I'm not saying you have to banish your fave comfy trackies and slippers to the back of the wardrobe, they certainly still have their place, and that is DVD night or when you're sick! Couch attire shall we say? I guess what I'm getting at is, in the way that a stag tosses his head and antlers in scrub to 'ornate' himself for his mate, we should do the same. And on that note, it is absolutely acceptable to expect the same from your hunter! And if he doesn't do it naturally, don't despair, it's relatively easy to train him to do so, especially if you use the stag in the roar analogy!
On the subject of hunting talk, it helps to have at least a little interest. You don't have to start spouting tall tales about the huge 18 pointer you shot last year (best not to, they'll know you're stretching the truth, although they'd no doubt appreciate the effort!). You don't even really have to be into the whole hunting/shooting business, just an interest in the outdoors and nature will do in most cases. Most hunters enjoy the solitary and serenity of being in the bush as much as the hunting itself.
I guess one of the most important things (and this goes for attracting ANY man) is to just be yourself! It seems obvious I know, but so many women pretend to be something they're not on day one and then either have to keep up the charade forever after or come clean to the man (in my case - actually I don't love
venison/duck/quail, I'm a vegetarian!). And unless he finds it endearing that you went to such lengths to get a second date, he'll probably just be pissed off that you mislead him! After all, he could have gone on a second date with that bird that shot the 18 pointer last year!
